eminem

you said:

"this song is dedicated to all the happy people
all the happy people who have real nice lives
and who have no idea whats it like to be broke as fuck"

really they have no idea. and i am really broke as fuck.

i'll try to write english this time. cause nothing changes with turkish. and i should improve my english, right?

i'm sad. again. not really bad but... i feel unattractive. i can't get anyone's attention. i can't be the center of attention. i haven't heard a single compliment in months. i also gained weight, it has an effect too. but i didn't tell you what happened to me. i had a very bad year and what happened to me caused me to gain weight. i'll not tell you what happened. my english is not enough and i have no time for this. also thinking gives me anxiety. i have to go to gym, lose weight, get in shape. i need some plastic surgeries. i need to get my teeth done. (this is priority) but all of these needs money. i have no money.

i know you said:

"don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful"

but i'm not beautiful. i am a realistic person and i know it. aaand I need money to be beautiful. there were times when my weight was normal. nobody cared about me back then. it's sad not to be liked. it's sad not to be loved. i also feel incomplete because of a disease whose name I do not want to mention. i feel like I will be alone forever.

i feel so unlucky. i have no good family, i have no money, i have no caring friends, i have no lover, i have no beauty, i have no memory. but i have somethings. i have many diseases. some important, some not. but they are exhausting me.

too many bad things happened and still happening on my life. im tired. but i have two cats now. my babies. i love them and i have to live for them. one of them looking at me right now. she wants attention. like me. i'm giving all my attention to them. they are my kids. i can do anything for them. so i'll live. but life making me sick. and i know i'm not gonna live long. this stress is unbearable.

i just wish i could hug you before i die. but it is not going to happen, isn't it? cause im so fucking unlucky.

"my life is full of empty promises and broken dreams
i'm hoping things will look up"