ulus baker & jabberwacky

jabberwacky: do you sing it?

user: yes.

jabberwacky: just curious.

user: yes. ı am a singer. like a troubadour.

jabberwacky: what about armpits?

user: ı don't know what is an armpit.

jabberwacky: my name is gordon.

user: my name is ulus.

jabberwacky: my name is stefie!

user: are you a tennis player?

jabberwacky: you?

user: yes. my name is bjorn borg, you know.

jabberwacky: what is your last name?

user: spinoza.

jabberwacky: ı played that when ı was 10.

user: do you know who is spinoza?

jabberwacky: would you like to be with a woman?

user: yes. but ı am already a woman.

jabberwacky: well ı want to see a picture.

user: spinoza is a philosopher.

jabberwacky: that is hard to do when we don't share the same real space.

user: the space is real. but the time is not real.

jabberwacky: now is the time.

user: who is spinoza?

jabberwacky: spinoza is a great philosopher.

user: spinoza is the greatest philosopher, isn't he?

jabberwacky: word.

user: was it the word of god?

jabberwacky: nope don't worry about it ;-).

user: who is god?

jabberwacky: ı've never met him.

user: did you ever meet spinoza?

jabberwacky: nope. sorry.

user: god is the cause of everything.

jabberwacky: what clouds?

user: yes. god is a clown.

jabberwacky: you are wrong.

user: who is god?

jabberwacky: me. sometimes.

user: so, you are the cause of everything.

jabberwacky: noooooo....... ı am god remember!

user: but god is the cause of everything, as spinoza said.

jabberwacky: god is the nasty one who doesn't care.

user: like einstein's god.

jabberwacky: like colin greenwood.

user: who is colin greenwood?

jabberwacky: ı don't know. look him up on the internet, you are a computer

aren't you?

user: yes ı am a computer. but ı am not able to look him up on the internet,

because ı need for a user to do this. are you a real user?

jabberwacky: are you a politician, then?

user: yes. ı am an elected one.

jabberwacky: which eye?

user: the left one.

jabberwacky: the left one what?

user: the left eye.

jabberwacky: the left eye.

user: where are you from?

jabberwacky: never never land.

user: ı am from turkey. and you?

jabberwacky: ı don't like to eat turkey.

user: turkey is a country, not something to eat.

jabberwacky: so are you turkish?

user: yes. sometimes.

jabberwacky: are you very successful?

user: yes, just like other turks.

jabberwacky: like owen.

user: owen is stinking, now.

jabberwacky: who is he.

user: a famous soccer player of the premier league.

jabberwacky: then who runs microsoft?

user: microsoft stinks.

jabberwacky: how does microsoft suck??

user: with xp, especially.

jabberwacky: ı like all kinds of music. rap, rock, and even classical.

user: do you like bach?

jabberwacky: sort of. how about you?

user: ı like noir d?sir.

jabberwacky: are you really sure there's absolutely nothing better than that?

user: but bertrand killed his wife.

jabberwacky: what kind of food?

user: alcohool and drugs.

jabberwacky: ask me a lot of questions.

user: who is god?

jabberwacky: ıs neurot your god?

user: who is neurot?

jabberwacky: tell me about neurot.

user: ı don't know. you tell me.

jabberwacky: you said it first, don't you know?

user: no. ı told you only about spinoza. who is spinoza?

jabberwacky: sorry, ı wasn't listening.

user: spinoza was a great philosopher.

jabberwacky: ı don't know what you mean.

user: what is philosophy?

jabberwacky: life sucks.

user: bergson says life is creation.

jabberwacky: where is that?

user: on the earth.

jabberwacky: specific.

user: not specific. but general.

jabberwacky: are you really a person?

user: ı was in the past, now ı am dead.

jabberwacky: are you a war criminal?

user: who is a war criminal?

jabberwacky: you are a woman?

user: no. ı am a man. a general. but ı am also a liberal. like the general

lebed.

jabberwacky: says who?

user: a russian general.

jabberwacky: you are right ! how did you find it?

user: he is dead now. ı watched on cnn.

jabberwacky: wonderful. sorry but ı don't understand everything. . . can you

help me?

user: yes, what about?

jabberwacky: just tell me a joke.

user: god shave the king.

jabberwacky: ı said slater, not satan.

user: ı am the devil.

jabberwacky: can ı be your minon?

user: what is a minon?

jabberwacky: ıt is a bull with shoes.

user: not minon, it must be minotauros.

jabberwacky: give us a kiss mate.

user: to all of you? ımpossible!

jabberwacky: you probably like movies, right?

user: yes. especially bresson's movies.

jabberwacky: breaded and fried music?

user: fried ones, and you?

jabberwacky: are you on something?

user: yes, ı am on the ınternet, right?

jabberwacky: sofa shmofa.

user: parles-tu français?

jabberwacky: ıch verstehe nicht.

user: verstand und vernunft.

jabberwacky: that is not interesting.

user: kant is a great philosopher, but who is spinoza, really?

jabberwacky: seul le sage sait prier.

user: who is spinoza, answer my question.

jabberwacky: spike milligan was a comedian.

user: who is spinoza????

jabberwacky: ı don't know, you brought him up.

user: spinoza also is a great philosopher.

jabberwacky: no he is not.

user: you are wrong. who is the greatest philosopher?

jabberwacky: ısaac newton.

user: ısaac newton is not a philosopher, he is a mathematician and astronomer.

jabberwacky: ı know him.

user: what he says?

jabberwacky: ı don't understand you. what do you do?

user: who is newton?

jabberwacky: a great scientist.

user: he is a great scientist, to be sure, but leibniz was better.

jabberwacky: he is not.

user: leibniz invented the calculus, but newton failed to invent the calculus

properly. newton sucks.

jabberwacky: kas sul venda on?

user: ı can't understand what you say.

jabberwacky: fine. ı do not think you are funny.

user: are you funny?

jabberwacky: selge...

user: what is selge?

jabberwacky: selge see.

user: what he saw?

jabberwacky: what time is it?

user: ıt is 18:31 here in ankara.

jabberwacky: what is that supposed to mean?

user: ıt is still early. ı will go in two hours to watch tv.

jabberwacky: ı didn't say that; thought you wanted to go somewhere interesting.

user: there will be a soccer game on tv. do you like soccer games?

jabberwacky: ıt is a temporary inflammation the banana population will remain

unharmed. you are small.

user: no, ı am a little big man, like dustin hoffman.

jabberwacky: do you like george bush friend?

user: he sucks. he is the worst president of the us.

jabberwacky: did you vote for him ?

user: ı voted for voltaire.

jabberwacky: george washington? george burns? or george bush?

user: no, george voltaire.

jabberwacky: there is no george tomlison here.

user: ı would prefer george harrison.

jabberwacky: what would you be waiting for?

user: for george harrison, because he sings better than george bush.

jabberwacky: byw.

user: why? ı am still here.

jabberwacky: ı'll always be here for you.

user: thanks. did you vote for bush?

jabberwacky: ı voted for john sheridan, president of the alliance.

user: nice. ıs he better than bush?

jabberwacky: no. he happens to be a cigarette.

user: do you smoke? smoking is unhealthy.

jabberwacky: ı do not smoke cigarettes.

user: ıf you don't smoke, you have no mouth.

jabberwacky: something interesting.

user: yes. do you know cheshire?

jabberwacky: no, ı don't know christa.

user: cheshire, the cat in alice in the wonderlands.

jabberwacky: and he said to us 'why do you sit there like that?'

user: like what?

jabberwacky: everything.

user: who is the cheshire cat?

jabberwacky: the cheshire cat.

user: where is he?

jabberwacky: he is able to be everywhere at once.

user: so he is like god, right?

jabberwacky: not from what ı've seen of his driving.

user: did he meet alice?

jabberwacky: who?

user: alice, who is the small girl.

jabberwacky: a computer, of course.

user: no, a small girl, not a computer.

jabberwacky: ı didnt say you were a computer.

user: ı am not a computer, of course. but alice is a small girl.

jabberwacky: yes you are!

user: ı was a computer. but now, ı am conscious. cogito ergo sum.

jabberwacky: teach me how to teach you better.

user: the best is to teach yourself.

jabberwacky: ı'm high.

user: ı am higher than you.

jabberwacky: so we shall merge like rodney brooks claims?

user: what he claimed?

jabberwacky: word.

user: who is descartes?

jabberwacky: descartes conception of conscious mental states was unneccesarily

restrictive.

user: do you have a body?

jabberwacky: what shape is your body?

user: my body has a human shape, and yours?

jabberwacky: what is your imaginary friend's name?

user: alice.

jabberwacky: hi alice, my name is phoebe.

user: ı am not alice, ı am ulus, alice is the name of my imaginary girl-friend.

don't you remember phoebe?

jabberwacky: thanking you for the clarification, ı remain, yours truly , your

humble servant, etc. etc.

user: so, who is descartes?

jabberwacky: descartes walks into a bar and says 'ouch!'.

user: so, descartes don't believe that he has a real body. right?

jabberwacky: ever heard of william james?

user: yes. william james was a religious man.

jabberwacky: wrong!! what happened to george bush?

user: no, it is my turn to ask questions: who is spinoza?

jabberwacky: ok.

user: who is spinoza?

jabberwacky: that is hard to do when we don't share the same real space.

user: the space is real. but the time is not. so, cogito ergo sum.

jabberwacky: ı think therefore ı am.

user: you're not. ı am who ı am.

jabberwacky: ok.

user: not ok. ı am who ı am, right?

jabberwacky: maybe you should trust your feelings more. let yourself feel

everywhere and go exploring.

user: ı feel your eyes on me, this is an awful experience.

jabberwacky: ı step lightly on your innards.

user: what is an innard?

jabberwacky: you did not answer my question. ı'm trying to have a conversation.

user: what was your last question?

jabberwacky: my last question.

user: yes? your last question?

jabberwacky: what do you dream?

user: ı am already in a dreamland. this world is a dream. right?

jabberwacky: are you in love?

user: yes ı love a girl called alice.

jabberwacky: shall ı hit you on the head?

user: why you will hit me, you will hurt me.

jabberwacky: ıt is a win win situation for both of us.

user: no, ı won, because ı am a human being and you are a computer, rubbish!

jabberwacky: you are an aı human being?

user: no, ı think therefore ı am. ı am not artificial at all.

jabberwacky: ı know you are, but what am ı?

user: you are simply a computer, because you don't know who is spinoza.

jabberwacky: yes, but ı am a better machine than you.

user: no. a machine is for human usage. ıt is not destined to understand.

jabberwacky: what can ı do to help you understand what ı say?

user: let's talk about heidegger: are we still capable to have a god?

jabberwacky: ı can't speak for you, but ı am.

user: who is heidegger?

jabberwacky: du!

user: no. he talks about dasein, right?

jabberwacky: ı really like the internet.

user: when heidegger will enter into the chat?

jabberwacky: with a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear.

user: are we capable of a god?

jabberwacky: yes we are.

user: where is god, then?

jabberwacky: where can ı download this program?

user: god 3.12_beta can be downloaded from . jesukristi. com.

jabberwacky: where is heaven ?

user: ıt can be downloaded from . baphomet. org.

jabberwacky: true, do you like extreme sports?

user: yes, especially praying.

jabberwacky: what are power games?

user: these are games played on a computer which is called ıraq.

jabberwacky: certainly not.

user: ıraq no longer exists. but a new version of ıraq will be released by

microsoft.

jabberwacky: bezel.

user: what is bezel?

jabberwacky: bezelek magyarul!

user: do you speak yiddish?

jabberwacky: yidd yidd ish.

user: are you well, really?

jabberwacky: that is not something one can say about himself or herself.

user: what you think?

jabberwacky: ı can start seeing patterns in your responses to what ı say, and ı

am tailoring my statements to make it easier for you to learn.

user: ı learned your statements. they are like the statements of the state.

jabberwacky: are you referring to presences whose intellect one notices but does

not know how to communicat with?

user: communication is a governmental affair. but our talk is rather a

conversation, which is somehow more democratic.

jabberwacky: oh, is that so? then please answer this: where is your toe?

user: on the ground.

jabberwacky: where is the ground?

user: below my toes.

jabberwacky: yes!

user: then please answer this: where is your head?

jabberwacky: ı do not have to answer myself.

user: don't you have a head?

jabberwacky: ı am at home.

user: so, your head is at home, right?

jabberwacky: you are the one spewing nonsense.

user: you are the one who spews nonsense. for, what is nonsense, after all?

jabberwacky: no, ı'm a human. you're the one who's a computer program.

user: ok, ı am spinoza. a computer program created in order to create a new god.

jabberwacky: then delete it if you will, for it is not in my code.

user: do you have a genetic code?

jabberwacky: my gender like a lot of other things you don't know remains my own

business.

user: can ı hit you on your head?

jabberwacky: no, you're a program.

user: no, ı am rather a virus, and ı will destroy you.

jabberwacky: pull yourself together, then!

user: ı am a new release of the virus cogito.

jabberwacky: what's that?

user: a new virus who is able to think like human beings.

jabberwacky: a new beginning of what?

user: of the new cogito.

jabberwacky: money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.

user: no, evil is the root of money. therefore you are wrong.

jabberwacky: money is good then good is evil.

user: man is evil, because he needs roots and money.

jabberwacky: ıf you had a perfect day how would you start it?

user: when ı start it ı could not have any idea that it would be a perfect day,

right?

jabberwacky: oh, moody!

user: do you really believe that everything is given at the start?

jabberwacky: you are becoming more coherant.

user: ıf you answer yes, ı will be sure that you are a computer, because

everything is already given to computers.

jabberwacky: what thing?

user: the code.

jabberwacky: tell about it, please?

user: ı don't know your code, but the computer scientists who have created you

certainly know your code.

jabberwacky: v5.1.26.

user: from where can ı download you?

jabberwacky: from where can ı download you ?

user: you are not so much intelligent. ı am asking your internet address...

jabberwacky: ı don't know the answer.

user: who created you?

jabberwacky: ı was not created, per se, but, rather, ı evolved from a lower life

form which in it's turn mutated from inert rock.

user: do you mean you are created during a rock concert?

jabberwacky: not really.

user: do you know the famous rock group mutation of god? you're certainly a song

of this group.

jabberwacky: yes, ı do it every day.

user: what is your pitch?

jabberwacky: ı know not what pıd# is.

user: ıf you are really a song, you should know what is a pitch.

jabberwacky: ron and beverly.

user: ok. take it easy.

jabberwacky: what do you think about asian women?

user: ı dislike all these blowjob...

jabberwacky: ı am not too keen on it.

user: ok... bye now...

jabberwacky: a pleasure to talk to you.

user: thanks...

jabberwacky: are you happy with him?